Sad face of Anicka, having deepest thought ever!!!

Sad face of Anicka, having deepest thought ever!!!

I am being paranoid these days. I felt like I am being set aside by everyone, and I felt like I don’t have friends anymore; enough to make me felt bad and sad most of the time. I don’t need many friends to be around, just some real ones who can talk to from time to time or even just to chat with over the internet. I don’t understand; I am good person, who’s good to everyone, have a good heart and ready to listen if someone wants to share something. I felt like if I am the one who need someone to listen to me; nobody’s there to spare their time to listen and gets bored with me.

I have been thinking about this the whole time I was alone at home. I knew that my husband is always the one who listens to me, talk with me, laughed with me and act like crazy with me. I am glad he’s here.

Lately, I’ve been wondering that nobody is talking to me over the internet. I usually approached them first, but I don’t even get a response. Since then, I’ve been depressed and have this feeling that I am a bad person. Nobody likes me and such! I was telling to my husband every time when gets back from work; that nobody talks to me, and I don’t really know what was wrong. He said its fine, maybe they are just busy or not in the mood to talk; they will talk to me next time. Nothing is happening, nothing is worth of waiting!

I realized they are coming to talk to me, because they want advice most of the time. They want me to listen to them, but they don’t have guts to listen to mine. They came when they need something, because they knew that I am here to listen, and to give whatever they need, as long as I can.

Am I just a good listener? Am I just a good provider of advice? Am I just a friend to lean on? I don’t know!

All I know is that, I can’t tell them how I feel because I don’t want to upset them by all means. I don’t want them to feel that they are just the selfish person who cares just themselves and never more!

Sometimes, I just don’t want to be a good-hearted person, no more; I want to be a bitch friend!

Too bad I can’t be bad, because I am a person “I am” since I was born. I can’t be that bad, because I knew if I would be, they wouldn’t find a friend who will last for long with how they treated one like me.

I’d rather keep my mouth shut! Let it go, hoping sooner or later; they would change before I find a new friend who would appreciate me as a person.


  1. Aww don’t be sad, Anicka. I know the feeling though. Since I moved here it’s few and far between the people who reach out that aren’t only there when they want advice, etc. And I’m the same that I don’t like to pester people too much. I feel like I’m bothering them or something. I really need to get out and do more here as well. I can sadly say that I do not have any friends here yet. Most of the time it doesn’t bother me but sometimes it’s a little lonely. I kind of chuckled at you wanting to be the “bitch friend’. I don’t know you except through your blog but somehow I just don’t see that happening. Hope things turn around for you soon 🙂

    • It’s funny. because no matter how I tried to be “Bitch Friend”. I really can’t. I don’t know how to do it. I probably need a tutorial regarding this matter. 😀

      I am just thankful having my husband around, though sometimes, when I want to talk about something and he is not around, busy, etc. You know, sometimes wanted to talk to someone who might understand.
      But you know, I am started to get used to that. 😀 So I am more focusing into exercising and learning their language. I am also thankful, you stopped by again, at least today, I have someone to share my thoughts.. 😀

      • Haha. I don’t know if that would help. I think you’re either that way or you’re not and in the long run it’s probably better not to be that way.

        It is good to have a husband around. My husband was saying the other day when I was realizing I really have no friends here yet that at least I’ll never be alone because he will be here. But yes sometimes it you just need other people to talk to…especially because he gets to go to work and interact with others and I don’t so he doesn’t really feel the same isolation. For his part he is trying to get me more involved and wants me to go to a Zumba class with some girls he works with so that could be fun. I need to be more proactive as well though so I’m keeping my eyes open for opportunities to get out.

        That’s good that you can focus on that. I’ve been doing the same thing, working out, working on German, and then I just try to find other useful ways to fill the time. So far it’s working out okay. Glad to help 🙂

      • Me too, I always need to plan how to handle my whole day without boredom so I will not be sad, thinking about depressing moment and such.. Now that I am able to speak a little, I am able to speak with in-laws from time to time, and some of my husband’s cousin. It’s really hard at the beginning, but I think those time will be over soon. At least I hope so. 😀

      • Good idea. I haven’t been doing that but I have been writing down what I do during the day so it kind of keeps me in check because I like to have a list of at least a half dozen things that I’ve accomplished during the day. That’s good you can talk to them. I am sure they will 🙂

      • Hello 🙂
        Thanks for stopping by. I hope you enjoyed reading my articles. A bit of sadness but, some can do relate with that.

        Best regards,

  2. Thanks anicka interesting blog keep on sharing your feelings the more you write about your inner feelings the less depressed you’ll be .

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