If you may notice the article in titled “My Wish List”, there is the wish number 10 (House/Condo in the Philippines) ; I really didn’t put any certain reason on why I wanted that; on why I wanted my own place in the Philippines; but just few days ago I realized why I wanted it.
I wanted a place where someone can find me, if something wrong happened. I wanted a place where I can say “I am the queen and I am the law.” I wanted a place to go when everything seems to fall apart on me. I wanted a place that will serve as my shelter when I needed to cry or hide the feelings inside me. I wanted a place that will serve as meditation place ; a place to clear my mind; a place I will be safe no matter what.
I wanted it, not to run away but to give time to myself. I wanted some place where maybe someday, someone’s going to find me there.
Life isn’t perfect. That is why my life isn’t too. I may have people around me, who loves me so much; people who cares for me; but like I said, Life isn’t perfect for everyone. Someday, I’ll find myself in need to be alone at some point. Time where I wanted to find myself, know myself better so that I will never, ever harm other people again. In that moment, I will be willing to give time. I will need a place to think about many things and not just about myself. A place where maybe I can teach myself not to be too selfish. a place where the only person is me, and I would learn to value the presence of people who loves me. Maybe that place will be the castle, that will give me a happy ending just like in a fairy-tale.
Anything is possible, but the best possible reason is really the hardest part to figure out.
I will never consider number 10 a material thing, but my world. A world that will have memories, sad or happy. That is the best wish list ever. To have a castle, shelter, meditation place, home, and a place to cry and laugh. A place to clear my mind and lead me somewhere good. Bring me to be a good wife and a person that wouldn’t care what any body does or doesn’t do in life. A place to probably make myself stronger for any challenges and obstacles that will try to break and rip my heart apart. Maybe a place to build trust, and confidence. Not just for me but to other people who cares for me.
I know, I can pretty much do it anywhere but I know the feeling….
The only thing I wanted the most is to be happy. To be the happiest person/wife in the whole world. I wanted to have a family on my own, that will never end up broken. (That is a nightmare!) I only want to have a marriage that is going to last forever. I know it will. I don’t want to end up like in a broken marriage like most people have.