Forever is a very long journey to take. Journey wherein you are about to face almost every kind of emotions and experiences in life. A journey which is a way better if you are not alone to face it. Forever, is a very complicated word attached by the word “Trust”. The combination of two are way powerful than you think.
Everyone is dreaming and wishing of a good life, a good path ahead of them that will stay forever ’till death maybe. So do I. But I only wish for something simple. To have good life; Good and complete family on my own; A husband that will love me, care for me, and will be there forever without hurting me; Families, relatives, friends that will understand and will be there whenever I fall. These are very simple wish, but I am not sure whose gonna stay with me in my Forever Journey.
Every day is a challenge and like any other normal people; I have that too. I cry, I laugh like a normal person. I opted to take every single step of the way with people/person I thought are/is gonna be there forever. Nowadays, I am not so sure anymore. I felt like I had a lot to take. I have a lot to settle inside me. I am scared that at the end of the day; I am going to be all alone, by myself figuring out why my journey has to turn out different. I am afraid that all of them are just gonna turn their back against me, or maybe even stub me from the back, without me knowing that it’s coming no matter how I try to avoid it to happen. I am not so powerful to stop things from happening. But I am trying to be a good person so that people around me will stay loyal, faithful, and wroth the trust. But maybe, I have gone different path. A path full of problems, and I couldn’t turn back, because I don’t want to. My heart says, “Never turn back”.
Is something wrong with me? Did I do something wrong? These are just few questions, I keep asking every night, and everyday when I am all alone. I have been thinking that all the time, I tell nobody about my pain, my anxieties because I am afraid to be judge. I am afraid that whatever they will learn from me; they are going to use it to strike me all the way to my weakness.
I feel that the world turns against me. Now, I am wondering who are gonna be there forever with me. And if tears drops are worth falling. Maybe I have to find myself, if I could still be there. If I could ever stop the pain. If these are only trials for me, why I have to be alone in this?
I am not perfect. I don’t know why but if I am not good enough, then just say the word. Forever is a long way and I wanted to be with someone to mingle with me in which path I’d be, whether it’ll be a path full of struggles or a path full of only happiness.
Anickaworld 