Many people got lucky ever since year 2013 hit the clock. But unlike many others, I didn’t get lucky. My agonies started ever since we came back from vacation to my country. I just couldn’t escape and couldn’t find a way out. Issues with family, life, and many others started to show up, in just a snap. I never thought it will go this far. I thought it will pass, but no it doesn’t.
There are many issues. Issues I couldn’t even discuss. What happened are like pieces of puzzle that are meant to figure where to put them. But I don’t know, if they are connected to each other. If they are going to fit. How?
I don’t really know what’s happening. Sometimes, I’d like to just think that, maybe there are reasons of why all these are happening to me. All I do is to be a good person. I never harm any other people, but sometimes maybe even if I don’t deserve this kind of sadness; maybe it is meant to happen to me.
Almost everyone around me seems like changing. Every pieces of good memories are starting to fade away. Will I ever get a new one someday? New memories with all these people I care the most. I don’t know, maybe I don’t deserve to have nice and pleasant memories that will stay forever.
What is happening in my life? I keep on asking every night with tears that I have to hide. Life must be this tough, but for how long I can hold on to this? I felt so alone. I felt like, I am drowning and soon will just run out of life. I don’t even know if all of these things that has happened are true? Who is gonna tell the truth? Why everything has to change?
Sometimes,I felt like yelling, Yell, until I don’t have the voice. I felt like asking someone, what I did wrong? Why it has to be me?
I couldn’t share any of my thoughts to anyone, because I don’t trust anyone anymore. I don’t feel safe. I felt like, if not today;maybe someday soon, everyone around me is just gonna turn out different from the way I expected them to be.
I deserve to be happy like anyone in this world. I’d love that. But maybe, it isn’t for me. Maybe, good memories are just meant to fade, vanish. Maybe my life is to learn and hurt.
All I know is that “I am not good enough, for you.”